sugar, we’re goin down [presses elevator button for a lower floor]
SWINGIN [ELEVATOR CABLE SNAPS]
more than i bargained for
six word autobiography: “fuck goddamnit i fucked up so bad”
guys i specifically made that sentence seven words long so someone could comment “but thats seven words” and i could say “fuck i did it again i fucked up” so we could all have a good laugh but no one said it. yall fucked up. i fucked up because i assumed yall wouldnt fuck up. everythings fucked up
I think I’m going to write a book called “‘Four Hours Is Definitely Enough Sleep’ And Other Lies I Tell Myself”
parents: i want the truth
me: *tells truth*
parents: nope youre lying wrong answer
I love how on Hannibal there are no limits to the kind of fucked-up shit that could happen to people, but the show makes sure that we know that the dogs are all ok
people who reblog your stuff and write nice things in the tags
"I— no, I never said that".
"To the interviewer. You did."
"Um, no, no I didn’t. He must have heard you wrong"
"That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me, John."
The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.